Last Updated on 4 months by Namrata
Some parents may say harsh things when they get angry with their kids. Some parents go beyond that and say very mean things to their kids. They say so mean things that it mentally breaks the kids.
Fortunately, I have got parents who are never hurtful to me. And being a mother I have never ever tried to hurt the feelings of my kids.
But, all are not lucky. What if the closest ones who are to nurture and support you instead give you pain?
If you feel like your mother is not good to you. And If- She always demotes you in front of others. Never encourages you. She abuses you all the time. Then, you may have a toxic mother.
Hopefully, this list of 16 things can bring some light to your life when your mom says hurtful things to you.
Read: When Parents Say Hurtful Things: What to Do?
1. Show that you are not dependent on her
Your mom says hurtful things because she thinks you are dependent on her. You will not respond to her hurtful sayings. But, you need to show her that you are independent and you do not need her support if she keeps on saying bad things to you all the time.
2. Let dad know about it
If dad is living with you, let dad know what’s happening in your life. Your dad may know a better way to tackle it. If your dad supports you, you will not have to worry again.
3. Listen to your favorite songs
Listening to your favorite songs can lessen the tension in your brain. Music is a great therapy to calm down your mind. Keep a playlist of your favorite songs on your mobile phone and play them when you feel down.
4. Let your friends and relatives know about it
This can help in two ways. You will feel better after sharing your sufferings with others. Secondly, your friends and relatives may have better ways to handle it.
5. Stay calm and do nothing
If you get angry too often, the best way to tackle the situation is not to respond to the situation. Stay calm and escape the situation. This will give you enough time to think positively.
6. Spend time with your pets
It is human nature to feel low when someone says hurtful things to someone. Spending quality time with your pets can relax your mind. This way you will be able to concentrate more on your duties afterward.
7. Go for an outdoor adventure
If you are feeling low after your mom said hurting things to you. If you go for an outdoor adventure you will have fresh air around you. The outer environment is beautiful you will have good time trekking in the mountains, foraging in forests, fishing, hunting, etc.
8. Let her know what she doing wrong
Let her know what she is doing wrong. She may be saying hurtful things without her knowledge. She may change her behavior after she comes to know what you are going through. Sometimes people do makes such mistakes unknowingly.
9. Do your favorite things
Do the things that you love to do most. Doing things that you love most will help you to beat the depression that you may be going through.
10. Watch a movie
This will make your brain divert from the main cause. Imagine you just came from work and entered home with some coarse words from your mom. Your brain will need some distraction to forget it. It is a temporary relief from the situation. Definitely, you will need a permanent solution in the future.
11. Forgive
Forgiving is a nice way to address the matter. Even Jesus Christ forgave those who crucified him. Forgiving does not lessen the pain that she has caused you. But, it will give you immense holistic power to you for the good thing you are doing.
12. Get Realistic Expectations
After doing all these it does not guarantee that she will change. You need to have a realistic mindset that she may change or may not. But, it is you who need to move on in life.
13. Meditate
Meditation is a great way to remain free from negative thoughts. All People should meditate for 10 to 20 minutes a day to remain focused. It’s a nice way to remain healthy too. People all across the globe are realizing the importance of this ancient therapy. To be honest, this will not lessen the hurtful thoughts your mother has towards you, but definitely, you will boost your inner energy to fight the problem.
14. Yoga for you
Just like meditation yoga makes people calm and flexible. I have seen people composed even after catastrophic changes in their life. Yoga helped them keep control over their emotions and not to break down. It will also bring positivity to your life.
15. Get a Psychologist’s help
It has been seen many times that people who have been under pressure for a long time (may it be at the workplace, home, or elsewhere), undergo depression as time pass on. It is important to take care of yourself or your relative who is going through this. Getting an appointment with a Psychologist can help you to come through this harsh time.
16. Grieve the loss
We grieve only when we lose someone. You have not lost your mother. Then, why will you be in grief? You will grieve for the loss of the mother and child relationship that you should have. This will wipe out the faith you have that your mother is a loving person. You will not feel bad if she says hurtful things to you.
Final thoughts
All we have to go through the ups and downs in life. The best we all can do is stay remain positive and find out a solution to put an end to the cause. Remember what is important to you!
Also Read:
How to Convince Your Asian Parents to Let You Go Out
Best Learning Games/Activities for 18-Month-Old
Why parents are the best teachers
MY MOM CALLED ME A IDIOTIC SHIT
IT REALY HURT
It is understandable why you feel miserable, as you would never expect someone so close to you, like your mother, to say anything hurtful to you. But, you must also understand that there are few times when your mother likewise has bad moments or bad days. Thus, it is better to be cooperative and find constructive ways to handle situations where you are subjected to her anger. And for that, you can apply the following ways.
Affirm yourself
You may be feeling low because the words are extremely hurtful and also demotivating. So, go in front of your mirror and affirm yourself. Express yourself that you are not defined by how others or others’ words describe you. Assure yourself that you are worthy of nothing less than the greatest. Make yourself aware that it is you who has made it so far in your life. So, just because you hear someone saying you some mean words does not change the truth that you are valuable and possess immense potential.
Go through your achievements.
If you have your own art book or sketchbook, go through your artwork and sketches. If you dance, then watch your dance videos. If you have won medals, go through the certificates and read aloud your achievements to yourself. And, rerun all those hard times where you thought it was impossible to tackle, but you drag yourself through all those dark days. So, now you know how much capability you have within yourself.
Keep calm
Breathe in and breathe out. Think. Understand that your mother too has her bad days. So, she may not mean whatever she says. She may be undergoing a bad phase. So, isolate yourself for some time. Maybe, your mother too, feels guilty about hurting you. So, be understanding and let it go.
Alongside all the ways as mentioned earlier, if you find your mother being abusive to you quite frequently, it is important that you make it known to some other adult, like your father, uncle, aunt, or school teacher. And try to get professional help.
Thank you so much you are completely right. I felt hurt earlier my mom said very hurtful things and I think she had a bad day. I just felt as though moms were supposed to always be there for you but even your own mom can let you down. This is one of the main reasons why I never want to do the same to my children. I mean yes they have bad days but a mother should know her role and it’s just wrong for mothers to not pay attention to their actions and hurtful words. They may be the reason why some commit suicide like before bringing someone into this world think twice if you can’t handle pressures of being a mother than maybe you should never have kids. I felt hurt because I was going through a rough time and she made me feel worse with her words and on top of that she was playing the victim. I wonder why humans are the way they are but I bet even animals treat their little ones better than humans do. Maybe I’m just angry typing this but I just feel like humans have always been doomed from day one. I know she knows she’s wrong and she will realize it but sometimes it may be too late. This is why so many people have mommy and daddy issues it’s because how parents treat their children. This is why so many have chose the wrong partner because they don’t know who is right or wrong. Don’t have kids if you can’t be there for them completely. I’m never going to have children ever because I don’t ever want to be a bad parent. If I do decide to have children I promise to always be there for them not just by actions but with my kind words. I would never say anything to hurt them.
I feel like parents need to take parenting classes before be able to be allowed to have children. It should be new law like a driving license lol
My mom keeps comparing me to her friends children and telling me I’m a failure. It really hurts. And she knows I have really bad anxiety and depression, so these kinda things set all my thoughts off. I don’t know what to even do anymore.
Your frustration and level of worry are absolutely valid. It is justified the way you feel now. And you should also know that there are ways to tackle this situation fruitfully. There are certain situations or instances where many mothers feel it normal to compare their children with others. But, it is not a good thing to do so. So, here are the ways that would help you deal with this situation.
Seek a professional guidance
Situations like the one you are in are sensitive and must be dealt with delicately. When you have a professional to help you, you will know which area to work on. This is the best possible solution for it.
Talk to your mother.
Many times it so happens that your mother is unaware of how you are feeling about her comparing you with their children. She may have different motives. She may be doing this to encourage you to do better. This may sound strange, but this is quite general and happens often. So, try to strike an open conversation with your mother. Convey her that you do not feel good about this comparison, and it makes you feel low. This might help open your mother’s eyes and bring in better communication and, thus, ultimately, a solution.
Be your own best friend.
When there is no one, you have yourself! You are aware of your talents, aren’t you? Remind yourself of your potential. If you are good at singing, think of the times your friends, teachers, or anyone compliments you for your talent. If you are good at sports, look through your achievements. And above all, remind yourself that you have been pulling yourself through every obstacle in your life. So, when no one has walked in your shoes, their words or comparison are actually hollow and baseless. You got your back!
Ensure that you are alright. And if not, do not hesitate to reach out to your close one, and better if it is an adult. Seek help whenever necessary!
When she gets angry she flings anything my way, she mostly slaps buy I’m already used to it and it doesn’t even hurt anymore. What hurts is that I still have to love , do good and even forgive her. It hurts that I can’t just up and leave and not come back until I feel alright. It hurts that she still has to provide for me. I feel really disgusted and angry at the sight of her. She doesn’t even care what she say, she just wants it to hurt and it actually did but for a little while. Later I got used to it. It started hurting less and less until I just didn’t care anymore. I didn’t let it get to me, and I was happy I stopped getting hurt. She’s always going to be my mother anyways, I guess I just have to deal with it.
My mom has always favored my oldest daughter over my youngest n since has basically turned my oldest against me..my oldest n I haven’t talked in over a year..my mom in so many words makes me feel like I was a horrible mother n I was everything but horrible..she says I favored the youngest which wasn’t true and she knows it but everything my oldest tells my mom she believes her and it really hurts me..my mom n I was really close until my oldest started as I feel brain washing her..I lost my brother to suicide and my brother n my oldest have some of same issues and she feels by being there for her all the time will save her from suicide but in the meantime she treats me like crap n puts me down..I don’t know what to do
My mom always compares me with my friend , telling me I immature, shy , failure , bad luck to them , never praise me , always accept the other people point when they do bad mouthing by not defending myself I know I must do it by myself which i sometime do but then she start to speak bad with me and tell that opposite person is correct not me